All because of me ! Feeling so guilty and sad

[pearly]

Hey everyone,
So, we have landed up in a serious issue. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 10 months and we are really fond of each other. He is a very short tempered person, and has a very bad drinking habit. I always tell him to stop this drinking habit, but he never listens to me. I know that he loves me like mad, but at times, he gets really angry, and some days ago, we had an argument and ended up in a bad fight. He didn’t hit me or so. Even I was a bit angry, because he was shouting at me for no reason. I got so pissed that I said that I would call the police, and he challenged me to do so. I don’t know why I did that, but at that moment I felt like I should not give up and get scared, and so I did call the police. But, now it has become a serious issue. I just wanted them to warn him of his drinking habits and his anger. But, the have now filed a suit against him for domestic violence. I’m so confused and sad, and I’m feeling so guilty now, I just want to get him out of this. My friends suggested that I should approach a criminal defense lawyer, http://www.defencegroup.ca/, and although they have ensured that we will succeed, I’m still so scared swhen I think about this, and I feel so bad about it. What I did that day on an impulse now, has become such a serious and big issue. And I feel that because of me, his life will get ruined as well. I had never in my dreams thought that this would end up like this.

[amitac]

Hi Friend,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing with us .I am sure all this must have and is currently also cause you a lot of stress at all levels.

there re a couple of things that I would like you to introspect on:
1.At that time, when the incident happened you did feel genuinely unsafe and took the call of registering the complaint. Abuse need not be only physical, it can be emotional and mental too.. and with all the yelling and fighting.. somewhere you were being pushed back to the wall and reacted in self protection. So its okay. What you did then cannot and will not be held against you by anyone.
2. There are many lessons that everyone learns from incidences like these.

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He has learnt the consequences and repercussions of what alcohol can do in terms of enhancing negative emotions in oneself and losing all control of our senses.
You have learnt that decisions taken in the heat of the moment can have adverse consequences later on for all concerned. it would have been best to just walk away from him and it all at that point of time and taken a call of what is to be done later, when things had calmed down a bit.

1. Please don't feel upset or guilty of what has happened...it is natural for us, especially the women in such cases, to feel guilty and take the blame. Its in our psyche to feel that by taking firm steps we are in the wrong and you should try and let go of that.The fear and guilt is not required at this point of time, you did at that time what you felt at that time was right for your well-being, safety and were also egged on by him/ encouraged by him.

2. You could look at suggesting an out of court settlement/ or negotiation for this.. and also request that there is no official record registered so that you can this way control the damage for him.

Please do come online for a chat session with any one of us. we can help you get over this.

All the best! relax and dont worry this can still be taken care of and the damage can be contained.

Best regards
Amita Mani

[DrSarah]

Hello friend,

I understand that you are feeling guilty and sad about what happened that day,it seems you acted more out of an impulse to take up the challenge without thinking about the consequences..but what is over is over now and cannot be changed as its a past,but you do have control over your present and your future,you can try to forgive yourself so that the guilt does not affect you so much(you did not do it on purpose,you were challenged to do it),you can also try to see what can be done in the present situation to prevent further damage..do feel free to also come online to have a detailed discussion with an expert,we are here to support you..

Take care,
Dr Sarah

[kiru-srinath-23vxt]

so ..the art of comforting others is just saying "what they wanted to hear"? ....interesting