{"id":655,"date":"2014-01-17T12:20:00","date_gmt":"2014-01-17T12:20:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ydblog.yourdost.com\/index.php\/2014\/01\/17\/why-me\/"},"modified":"2025-10-06T15:44:40","modified_gmt":"2025-10-06T10:14:40","slug":"why-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/yourdost.com\/blog\/2014\/01\/why-me.html","title":{"rendered":"Why Me?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
As we see it, things, people and situations differ from time to time and people to people. .but expectations remain the same.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
Rahul and Nidhi have been married for 2 years now. Rahul works for Dell as a Team Lead and Nidhi for IBM as a Senior Architect. Rahul works in the night shift from 6 pm to 2am. Nidhi on the other hand has a regular 9 to 6 day job. They stay in a nice 3BHK house with Rahul’s parents. Their relatives are the frequent visitors they receive on a weekly basis. <\/span><\/span>
\n<\/span>Due to the difference in their schedules, the couple don’t get to spend much time together.<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\n
\"Why<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
Nidhi always wishes that Rahul was around to talk when she comes back from work. Nidhi\u2019s in-laws prepare food for her but she hardly notices. Nidhi feels that her expectations are not met. She feels lonely and trapped and is now beginning to feel extremely depressed. If they at least had romantic weekends with each other that would have done the trick but relatives’ frequent visits spoil that too. She keeps blaming her husband that he doesn’t understand her and has made her life hell. Seems like when the love is not nurtured, everything else starts fading around.\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
\n

Rahul on the other hand, comes back home at 2:30 am, doesn’t wake up Nidhi, kisses her good night and then goes to have his dinner. Over the weekends, he tries to spend some time with her in the kitchen while she is preparing meal for their relatives. Rahul has been recently promoted as a team lead which means a lot of responsibilities. Less support from his wife and the new responsibility at office stresses out Rahul too.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Rahul really loves Nidhi and is trying hard to make her feel better. However he thinks she never appreciates his efforts. She is unable to see anything beyond her own comfort. <\/span>
\n
\n<\/span>
\nRahul also doesn’t want to hurt his parents at this age. He thinks practically and knows that they won’t be around for more than 5-6 years. Meeting and talking to their relatives makes them happy and he doesn’t want to take away that hours of happiness from them.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

They decided to approach an expert before everything falls apart. The expert initially met them separately and asked them if they loved each other. Their response was positive. She then listened to both sides of the story and then\u00a0met both of them together.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Our expert tried to show Nidhi, Rahul\u2019s attempt to keep her happy. And Nidhi was asked to think about the good things that Rahul does. She asked her if she ever felt that Rahul was trying to dominate to which Nidhi said no. Our expert went up a level showing \u00a0her how her in-laws cared for her in their own ways say, by preparing a meal for her in the evenings after she returns tired from work. It is not like there is no-one to talk to, she can start talking \u00a0to her in-laws and along with creating a stronger bond it would relieve Nidhi of her loneliness too. They are not very expressive but their acts say that they care for her. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Nidhi started seeing things differently. They spoke about how his parents were growing old and would only be around for a few years more and the strong support they would need at this stage. Their situation will not remain same always. It is just few years that they need to stand for each other strongly.<\/span>
\n<\/span>
\nRahul on the other hand was asked to be more vocal about his love. Saying magical words now and then will make his wife feel better. She had expectations and that are not being met completely. Whatever little time they get together, he needs to make an effort to do things she likes. He was asked to take her out for 2-3 hours over the weekend.<\/span><\/p>\n
\n

 <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Our expert says the couple had not drifted from each other, it is just that they were not expressive with each other. Nidhi had never put an effort to understand the other side of the story and Rahul never realised how important it was to express what he felt.<\/span><\/div>\n

\n

Once they started talking to each other in front of the expert, their perspectives changed and they started feeling connected again.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Communication is the key of any relationship. Take time to tell the person you love that ‘you love him\/her’. If there is something bothering you, take it up with theconcerned person and most of the times issues are solved over a decent discussion. Talking helps a lot!<\/span>
\n<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>
\nYour perception plays an important role in defining who you are and the situation around you. If you see negativity in everything, it will attract more negative thoughts and vice versa. That was what was happening to Nidhi.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Think about a young toddler, being whacked by her mother regularly will have negativity breeding around her.\u00a0 She says that mamma is bad, she doesn\u2019t give me candy, doesn\u2019t love me. But when the tiny one gets a new toy, mamma becomes the best and loves her a lot.<\/span>
\n<\/span>This is exactly how humans work. We need to make a conscious effort to think positive.<\/span><\/p>\n
\n

 <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

After these conversations with the expert and regular practice of talking and expressing to each other, Nidhi and Rahul now are together standing strong, against all the odds and the love between them nurtures them every day.
\n<\/span>
\nNote: This story based on real life cases handled by Clinical Psychologist Ramya Poojari. We have changed the names to maintain annonymity.<\/i><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As we see it, things, people and situations differ from time to time and people to people. .but expectations remain the same.\u00a0 Rahul and Nidhi have been married for 2 years now. Rahul works for Dell as a Team Lead and Nidhi for IBM as a Senior Architect. Rahul works in the night shift from […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":35446,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,75,38],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-655","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","category-overthinking","category-self-growth"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourdost.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/655","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourdost.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourdost.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourdost.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourdost.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=655"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/yourdost.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/655\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":35447,"href":"https:\/\/yourdost.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/655\/revisions\/35447"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourdost.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/35446"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourdost.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=655"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourdost.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=655"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourdost.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=655"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}