{"id":641,"date":"2014-12-02T16:38:00","date_gmt":"2014-12-02T16:38:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ydblog.yourdost.com\/index.php\/2014\/12\/02\/is-your-relationship-bothering-you-part-i-starting-a-conversation-when-you-are-already-angry\/"},"modified":"2015-11-30T09:06:02","modified_gmt":"2015-11-30T03:36:02","slug":"is-your-relationship-bothering-you-part-i-starting-a-conversation-when-you-are-already-angry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/yourdost.com\/blog\/2014\/12\/is-your-relationship-bothering-you-part-i-starting-a-conversation-when-you-are-already-angry.html","title":{"rendered":"Is Your Relationship Bothering You? (Part I) – Starting A Conversation When You Are Already Angry"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Actions that damage our relationships can seem so normal that we may not even think about them. When we strike out at a lover, friend, relative, or others when we are upset, it may seem like the most natural thing in the world. It may make us feel better for a moment, but we are putting that relationship at risk no matter who is \u201cin the right\u201d or who is \u201cwrong.\u201d\u00a0<\/span>
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\nIf you are starting a conversation when you are already upset, don\u2019t use criticism, sarcasm, or harsh words no matter how upset you feel. Don\u2019t show the intention of insulting the other person with an open sign of disrespect. This ruins the atmosphere right from the start and closes the door on trust, love, and communication. It makes the other person feel assaulted, rejected, and hurt. It doesn’t matter who is \u201cright\u201d and \u201cwrong.\u201d Arguing about that won\u2019t help because the problem is in our emotions, not our logical heads. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
You are wrong, I am right!<\/i><\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

The Magic of \u201cI\u201d Statements<\/b><\/span>
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\nInstead of attacking, use \u201cI\u201d statements. These may seem strange if you are not used to them, but they can work like magic to transform a situation.<\/span><\/p>\n

Instead of blaming and attacking with accusing words like, \u201cYou are a stupid so and so!\u201d talk about how this situation makes you feel. Say, \u201cI am feeling bad about what happened. It hurt my feelings when you did such and such.\u201d Say things that actually express the feeling you are having like \u201cIt hurts me when you\u2026.\u201d or \u201cI get mad when you\u2026\u201d or \u201cI need you to be more\u2026\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Make sure you say what you actually feel when you are speaking from inside your experience with an \u201cI\u201d statement, not some mental analysis, and encourage the person you are speaking with to do the same. Saying, \u201cI feel you are a complete fool!\u201d is not using an \u201cI\u201d statement. It is just attaching an \u201cI\u201d statement to an attack. Saying, \u201cI think you are putting me in a bad position\u201d is a mental analysis and is neither a full attack nor an actual \u201cI\u201d statement of your feelings and it will not help.<\/p>\n

With \u201cI\u201d statements, you are still expressing yourself, still getting your emotions out and being honest, but instead of blaming, you are sharing a vulnerable truth that is underneath the anger. The anger is not the greater truth. The vulnerable hurt is the greater truth. This is true because the vulnerable parts of ourselves control our emotions and our relationships. Vulnerability comes from a deeper level of honesty. This is why we love children and animals. They are honest and vulnerable \u2013 and so are we inside. We need to learn to care for our actual inner natures and those of the people we love instead of shaming and judging them into hiding vulnerable truths forever in darkness to save face and appear strong.
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\n<\/span><\/p>\n

Yes, you do have to be careful who you are vulnerable with. People who don\u2019t care about you may abuse your openness and vulnerability. So choose your relationships carefully when you can. Bring people into your life who want your love and friendship, not those who want to hurt, dominate, and control you.\u00a0<\/span>
\n
\nAs Jimi Hendrix said,
\n\u201cWhen the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.<\/b>\u201d<\/span>
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\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>Let us know about your own experiences in the comments below.<\/span>
\n<\/i><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Actions that damage our relationships can seem so normal that we may not even think about them. When we strike out at a lover, friend, relative, or others when we are upset, it may seem like the most natural thing in the world. It may make us feel better for a moment, but we are […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[39,85],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-641","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-love-relationship","category-relationship-issues"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourdost.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/641","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourdost.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourdost.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourdost.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourdost.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=641"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/yourdost.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/641\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/yourdost.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=641"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourdost.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=641"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yourdost.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=641"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}