The higher you build walls around your heart, the harder you fall when someone tears them down. When your therapist listens to you and gives you all that you were longing, it is normal to fall for them.
Recently, a client of mine said he is in love with his therapist. I asked what lead to this situation. He explained, the therapist was not judgmental, listened patiently and made him felt very comfortable in discussing all personal details. Human beings need someone who can be empathic, extremely positive and genuine. Psychologists appear to be happy all the time as it is always one-way communication. Also, therapist keeps it professional while being compassionate and understanding. This gives an ideal scenario for the client to feel for the therapist.
In Psychiatry terminology, this feeling is defined as transference. Transference is the redirection of feelings and desires and especially of those unconsciously retained from childhood toward a new object or person.
Here are some tips to tackle if you are going through transference.
1. Acceptance it to yourself.
It is important to accept that you are attached to your therapist and you feel certain emotions. Lying to self will not help in this scenario.
2. Tell it to your therapist, immediately.
As soon as you realise and accept the fact, tell it to your therapist. Tell them details and let them know about the exact scenario. A trained therapist knows how to handle transference. They will let you know about certain techniques to help you get through.
3. Don’t stop your therapy.
The most common mistake a person does when he understands his emotion; stop going to sessions. You should always be committed to your sessions and never ever leave therapy in between. Leaving therapy in between can have consequences which will be difficult to cope with.
4. Don’t get affected by neutral reactions of your therapist.
Some psychologists are trained in a manner to be neutral or insensitive when a counsellor talks about them. So, there are chances, there will be no reaction from counsellor even if you express your emotions. Don’t let this affect you. Ask your counsellor that you need to work on that part as well and you might require help for it.
5. Try group therapy.
If nothing seems to work for you, and you are finding it difficult to meet your therapist, go for group therapy. It is very beneficial as you will meet a lot of people with the same problem and you will have your emotions divided amongst the group.
