About the Client:
Rayan is a 29 years old guy working with a multinational IT firm and is well established. Rayan’s parents had been pressurizing him to get married. Ryan, however, was insistent to find a girl of his choice and not go for an arranged marriage.
About his Situation:
In desperation to be in a relationship Rayan started looking to fall in love with a girl, who according to him could be his prospective wife. Through a mutual friend Rayan came across Pia whom he found to be independent and fun loving. Rayan instantly liked Pia did all the efforts to gain her attention. Things also started falling into place and Rayan and Pia started dating. Rayan believed that he found a true companion in Pia.
Initial three months went really smooth between them; Pia would call Rayan for everything and discuss everything with him. Rayan enjoyed this position of being in power, where he unconsciously perceived as having control over Pia’s life – after all, Pia did nothing without discussing with Rayan and wouldn’t even go anywhere without his company. Even while Pia hung out with her friends, she wanted Rayan to accompany her and wanted Rayan to do the same when he meets his friends. Gradually Rayan began to feel different. He felt that Pia wasn’t being the same. He decided to talk to her to address his thoughts but it turned out to be the other way round. Pia expressed her unhappiness about his friends and how she feels hurt when Rayan spends more time with his friends and family. Rayan apologized and began to invest more time in Pia and her friends.
Soon Rayan started to become irritable which had never happened in the past. His family began to suggest him that he is losing focus on the financial front. Despite all his attempts Pia continued to express her anger and sadness over the issues which felt were trivial but Rayan couldn’t tell the same to Pia. After 6 months into their relationship, Rayan decided to seek help and connect with Namrta (an online counsellor at YourDOST).
Namrta assisted Rayan to find out the exact issues which were bothering him. Here’s a gist of what came out during the sessions:
- Rayan mentioned that not being able to spend quality time with his male friends made him sad.
- He also articulated that he felt being emotionally blackmailed by Pia.
- After a few sessions, Rayan even realized that he is unhappy with his financial crunch, which he confessed was mostly due to his excessive spending over Pia. Whenever Pia shared with him about something she really had her heart on, Rayan would purchase it before she did.
- After about 8 sessions Rayan one day informed us of what he realized was happening to him. After probing further, he disclosed that in desperation to go for a love marriage he thought Pia was the perfect match. However, Rayan was able to see that in reality the relationship was just one way.
Ryan found out that it was him who was doing everything to keep the relationship intact. In order to do so, Rayan was putting his desires and priorities on a back seat and driving with what was important to Pia. He also identified how he had been disconnected from his family and friends, and to an extent his creativity.
Namrta discussed various options to make this relationship work and Rayan decided to involve Pia to work with him. Unfortunately, Pia refused to work on as she stated not perceiving any problem from her end. Rayan, having experienced a tough time – financially, socially, emotionally and physically – after 7 months informed Pia about how he felt oppressed and unhappy in their relationship and called off the relationship as things were clearly not working out for him.
Though it took Rayan about 6 months to overcome this failed and traumatic relationship, with the support of his family, friends and regular counselling sessions Rayan is now doing very well. Ryan is still looking for a prospective match but is open to the idea of an arranged marriage.